A Marriage Proposal

On March 22, 2012 I proposed to my now fiancée, Connie, and she accepted. I intentionally chose a place that is meaningful to both of us called Glencoe Beach on the shores of Lake Michigan near Chicago.

Connie stood at the end of the pier looking out at the lake with me facing her as I read Proverbs 18:22.  “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” I then knelt down on one knee and said these words: “Connie, I love you with all my heart. I know God brought us together for this reason. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” and she said … “Yes.”

Our wedding is planned for September 2012. I’m 60 years old and never expected to make a marriage proposal again. But unexpectedly my first wife died in 2003 at age 51. I was so overwhelmed with grief that I didn’t even consider dating for 3 years.

Over the next 5 years I had coffee with 30 women I met through online dating. I only went out with 2 women for more than one date because none of them met my mental checklist. If you’re single and looking for a mate these 5 criteria (from Bill Hybels) will be helpful:

Christian: Save yourself a world of hurt by only dating other Christians. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14).

Character: The first thing many singles consider is whether their prospective mate is good looking. While attractiveness is important, looks fade over time while character lasts for eternity.

Chemistry: There should be a physical spark between you – a romantic yearning and sexual desire. If the “wow factor” isn’t there you best move on.

Compatibility: Spend a great deal of time getting to know each other. Look for things you have in common, as well as new areas you can experience together. In particular, discuss the person’s life story to understand his or her stars and scars.

Communication: Your prospective mate should be a good listener who is more interested in understanding you than talking about his or her thoughts. It’s especially important to understand the other person’s needs and love languages.

Conflict Resolution: Each partner is a sinner, and whenever you put two sinners in close proximity there will be fireworks. Talk about the way each other handles conflict. Lay down some ground rules to follow whenever you face disagreements.

Connie and I met in August 2010 through eHarmony. The moment we met I knew she met the 6 criteria – and it scared me. After 8 years I finally found the right person, but every time we drew closer I ended the relationship. Each time I ran away I heard God’s whisper, “Steve, don’t let her go.” Fortunately, Connie heard the same thing and helped me work through my fear of being abandoned.

For Christmas 2011 I gave her a promise ring to indicate I wasn’t going away again. We went to an 8 week marriage preparation class at our church. Then I went to her parents and asked for their daughter’s hand, as well as their blessing. And that brings the story full circle to my proposal at the end of the pier at Glencoe Beach.

I couldn’t be happier and thank God that He brought Connie into my life. Unexpectedly, we both get a “do over,” not to do things better in marriage, but to do things God’s way.

If you’re single, may God lead you to a person that meets all 6 criteria; if you are married, please work hard on your marriage and enjoy each day you’re together.

To celebrate our engagement I invite you to download a song I wrote for Connie to express my love for her (click here).* May it be a reminder to you that love is a gift and your partner is a blessing.

* © 2012 Steven A. Lake All Rights Reserved

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