To The Core: Where Do Your Core Values Come From? (4)

Core values are an essential part of your life. Unfortunately, you probably seldom think about them and very rarely hear anyone else discuss them. They are such an ingrained part of your being that they operate at a subconscious level. They influence your thoughts, words, attitudes, actions, and decisions. Core values are like the branches of a tree extending out from its trunk which represents you, the person.

In the previous post we talked about the influence of your parents in the development of your core values. In this post we’ll examine the influence of two additional sources: significant other adults, and your friends and peers.

SIGNIFICANT OTHER ADULTS
Herb Selling taught me more about baseball than any other coach.  I learned how to react in various game situations, and my skills improved in hitting, running, throwing, and fielding.

More importantly, the Coach taught me about life.  At the time, I didn’t realize I was learning these lessons, but came to appreciate them as an adult.  The Coach taught me the core value of excellence – to work hard, be a tough competitor, do his very best at all times, focus on continual improvement, and never give up on myself or anyone else.  He showed me how to be a gracious winner and a good loser.

Who’s been the Herb Selling in your life?  Chances are that more than one name comes to mind.  You undoubtedly have been influenced by many “coaches” throughout their lives, including teachers, ministers, friends, parents, and many others. Pick the most influential person and identify what core value you learned from that individual.

FRIENDS AND PEERS
For over 20 years I’ve been part of an amazing couple’s small group. The 6 people in the group are among my nearest and dearest people on earth.

As the cliché goes, “We’ve done life together.” We’ve watched our children grow up, attended their school activities, enjoyed various social events, and rejoiced at their weddings. In fact, one of the members, Frank, is a Pastor and has married both of my children.

Someone has said that your true friends are the people you can call for help at 3:00 a.m. and they’d be there as soon as possible. I agree. The members of my small group were there for me the night my late wife was stricken with a catastrophic stroke. Without exaggeration, I’m not sure I would’ve made it through that night without their love and support.

Years ago, at one of our first meetings, we discussed and agreed to a set of core values that we would follow as a small group. We were so serious about these core values that we wrote them down and each person signed the document. They became the cornerstone of our group and are one of the reasons it has lasted so long.

The very first core value was “vulnerability.” Rather than just write down the name of the core value, we also wrote a statement explaining what it meant. Here’s what we wrote: “We will tell each other the truth about ourselves, what is really going on in our lives below the surface.” That statement is a powerful tool to ensure that we practice vulnerability. It also develops trust, respect, and a deeper friendship among our members.

Of course, this small group core value quickly became one of my personal core values. I’m told by others that I am “reflexively vulnerable.” I don’t have to think about it; I automatically tell others the truth about myself at a level appropriate to the relationship I have with the person. Now I wouldn’t live my life any other way.

What core values have you learned from your friends? What core value are they learning from you?

In the next post we’ll take a look at the influence of the final two sources: The media and significant life experiences.

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