Rogue Waves #9

In the last two posts I’ve outlined two things I’ve learned about surviving Rogue Waves. The first is that tears bring healing. My advice is to let the tears fall whenever and wherever they come.  The other is to ask the right question. There’s no point in asking “Why?” because there’s no answer. Instead, ask “What now?”

In this post I’ll discuss the final thing I’ve learned – faith is a choice. You can either choose to wallow in self-pity … or … you can choose to have faith in God.

For a long time I chose self pity. I was angry at God that so many loved ones died in such a short period of time. I was angry at my loved ones for dying. I was angry at my friends for not being more supportive. I was angry at myself for being angry.

I’d go to church and we’d sing “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord.” I’d cringe inside when we got to the words, “He gives and takes away; He gives and takes away; my heart will choose to say; blessed be Your Name.” Well my heart wasn’t blessing His Name. It seemed to me that God was doing a whole lot more taking away in my life than He was giving to it. I refused to sing those words.

Every day I held my own personal pity party complaining about the unfairness of it all. “Oh, woe is me. How could God do this to me?” Eventually, I’d had enough of God, the Bible, and the church. So I stopped going to church … for a year! Looking back I imagine myself as a two-year old throwing a temper tantrum. “OK God … you want to hurt me? Well two can play that game. I’m going to hurt you right back. I’m not going to church anymore. Take that!”

I’m pretty sure my temper tantrum didn’t rock God’s world; but it did mine. I grew increasing isolated, sullen, and self-absorbed. The less contact I had with others, the more I blamed them for not caring about me. “If you cared about me, you’d know how much I’m hurting. But since you never call, it’s obvious you don’t care about me at all.” Of course, I never reached out to call any of them first.

One day a friend sat me down and said, “Steve, I’m tired of you mumbling and grumbling about how terrible life is. So I’m going to ask you 4 questions:

• “Is there a God … or not?
• “Does He love you … or not?
• “Does He have a plan for your life … or not?
• “Will you trust Him … or not?
• “It’s your choice.”

Her words hit home and I was convicted of my sin. I asked God to forgive me for my selfishness and lack of faith. I recommitted myself to Him and felt a huge weight come off my shoulders. Now when I sing “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord” I sing it as loud as possible as a victory cry. “You give and take away; You give and take away; my heart will choose to say; blessed be Your Name.”

There’s no way you’ll heal until you choose to have faith in God. When the Rogue Wave hits you, ask yourself: Is there a God or not? Does He love me or not? Does He have a plan for my life or not? Will I trust Him or not?

It’s your choice.