Possible Barriers to Purpose: Your Spouse #2

Steven Lake Posted on Posted in Life Well-Lived

In the last post I shared 7 factors to consider in searching for a spouse. These factors come from Bill Hybels, senior pastor at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL. To review, here are the 7 factors:

 

FACTOR

THE PERSON …

CHRIST

Must have accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord

CHARACTER

Displays Christ-like attitudes and actions

CHEMISTRY

Is someone you find attractive on every dimension

COMPATIBILITY

Is someone you get along with and enjoy being with

COMMON INTERESTS

Shares at least some of your hobbies and outside activities

COMMUNICATION

Is willing to share on a deeper level and clarify miscommunications

CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Is willing to work through disagreements with a positive attitude

 

Jimmy Kim is Vice-President of Designed to Serve. We are both ministry colleagues and good friends. He also holds a different view of these 7 factors. With his permission, printed below is his comment on the post:

 

“I think it’s important to not treat these as criteria. Based on these criteria, I’m still not fit to be married.  Not to take anything away from the importance of each of these factors, in my humble opinion, using these as criteria actually scares the heck out of some people (like me) … First, I don’t think I could ever find anyone that perfect (nor would I ever want to); second, I would never have been that “ready” to be married in a lifetime. 

 

“I think these are guidelines or commitments that each spouse should make to one another, so that each person would become more and more Christ-like.  While I agree with the fact that marriage is really important in a person’s life, how great one’s marriage depends less on WHOM you marry, but more on what you commit to making the marriage, and who you become as an individual and as a family.  I think the commitment to growth process is more important than marrying that “right” somebody.”

 

I (Steve) was married almost 30 years before my wife unexpectedly passed away. I never expected to be single again, but here I am. As I consider the possibility of re-marrying, I think these 7 “factors” are useful in identifying the “right” person for me.

 

On the other hand, Jimmy believes that these “guidelines” are commitments one makes to his or her spouse. In his view, they may actually hinder the dating / courting process. He argues that it isn’t whom you marry, but on making and keeping commitments to your spouse.

 

Okay. Who’s right? We’d love to have you share your opinions. Just write your comments in the “Leave a Reply” section below. If you prefer, leave your initials rather than your full

About

Dr. Steve Lake is a retired educator with over 30 years experience in the American public schools. He has served in a variety of position, including teacher, elementary school principal, junior high principal, Associate Superintendent, retired from public education as Superintendent of Schools in Lincolnwood, IL. He has his Bachelors, Masters and Doctor of Education degrees from Northern Illinois University. For the past 25 years Steve has attended and been a member of Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington and Northfield, IL. At Willow Creek Steve has taught adult classes on spiritual gifts, life purpose, and spiritual disciplines. He has ministered overseas in Angola, Zambia, Honduras, Germany, and Russia. Steve is co-founder of Designed to Serve, a ministry that equips Christians to live out their unique God-given calling. Steve is married and has two adult children who are married.